Flip This Wholesaler

Hola Amigos!

Did you enjoy my disappearing act?

Sorry about that, but I’ve been really busy counting all my money after closing a big, fat, ginormous deal last week!  It was one for the record books, guys!  Then, after I finished counting all my loot, I decided to take some of my profits and head down to the Keys for a few days to bask in the glory of my accomplishment.  It was awesome.

Would you like to know how much I made on the deal?

You should probably sit down for this….

FIVE.

HUNDRED.

DOLLARS.

!!!!!!!

Wooohooo!  Hell-to-the-yeah. Girlfriend is straight up ballin’ over here in T-town!

So, yeah.

A five hundred dollar deal.

And it wasn’t one of those stress-free, send-a-text-message-and-sell-a-house deals, either.  I had to work for this one.

The lady I sold the house to is by far the biggest pain in the ass buyer that I have ever worked with.  BY FAR.

I actually sold her another deal towards the end of last year (I found her by calling a For Rent sign in the hood, btw).  When I initially talked to her she told me she was looking for concrete block duplexes, and that she would pay up to 32k for them if they were in decent shape.

So, a few weeks later I brought her a deal that fit what she was looking for (it was a deal I was working with my buddy Lee).  She then proceeded to freak the hell out when I told her that we didn’t actually own the property.  She went on and on telling me how we were breaking the law because we had no right to sell the house, blah, blah, blah, it’s illegal, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I did my best to explain to her that there was nothing illegal about it, but she wouldn’t shut her mouth.  Seriously, she just kept on going, and every time I tried to get a word in edgewise, she would interrupt me.  To make matters worse, she has a very thick accent (she’s from South Korea), so half the time I can barely understand what she’s saying.  And also, she doesn’t talk, she yells.

I’m getting stressed out just thinking about it.

So anyway, after getting yelled at by this woman for about 10 minutes or so, I started to lose my cool. I can only take so much you, know?  As much as I wanted to go off on her, I decided it would be better to just get off the phone ASAP before I called her one of the four letter words that was on the tip of my tongue.  So I told her I had another call coming in and that I would have my partner call her back and see if we could work out a deal.

Lee ended up calling her back and calming her down, and after haggling with her over closing costs (she’s even cheaper than my Cheap Bastard Buyer, if you can believe that), we ended up selling her the deal and it closed a few weeks later.

So that’s the back story.

This time around I brought her a deal that some investors/wholesalers that I know had just closed on.  I probably spent an hour and a half on the phone with her haggling over the price (she wouldn’t budge from 28k), and after that we had to haggle over the closing costs (she wouldn’t pay a penny more than $200).  I can’t even put into words how draining it is negotiating with this woman.  Just imagine having someone yelling at you in a foreign language (really loud), and then when you try and say something they yell even louder.  It’s so annoying, and by the time I got off the phone with her all I wanted to do was punch her in the face as hard as I could.

Anyway, this all happened last Sunday, so the plan was for me to get the contract signed with the seller first thing in the morning, then fax it over to her along with the assignment contract, and her husband would drop off the escrow check at the title company.  Closing would be Tuesday.

I went and got the contracts signed with the seller on Monday morning, then called the buyer (I’ll just call her PITA from now on), to get her fax number.  She gave me the # and told me her husband would be dropping the check off at the title company as soon as she got the contracts.

I faxed the contracts and then waited.

And waited.

Finally she calls, and this is how the conversation went:

PITA: Hi Dear, I’m not going to be able to buy this property from you.

Me:

PITA: Hello?

Me: Are you kidding me?

PITA: No, I’m not going to be able to buy the property from you.  But that other property on 14th St., I pay you twenty eight thousand dollar for that one.

(I forgot to mention, I also told her about another deal being sold by the same sellers- the 14th St. property).

Me: Are you telling me that you’re backing out of this deal that you committed to yesterday?  The one you told me this morning you were going to close on tomorrow?  The one that I just went and put under contract with the seller and set up the closing at my title company for tomorrow?  Is that what you’re telling me?

PITA: Yes, but I will pay twenty eight thousand dollar for the other property.

And then she went into yell mode, and I can’t even really tell you what she was yelling about because #1) I couldn’t understand what the hell she was saying and #2) my head was about to explode.  There was smoke coming out of my ears I was so pissed off at this woman, and I really had no choice but to hang up on her while she was in mid yell.  It was either that, or I was going to unleash the fury on her, and it would not have been pretty had I done so.

So, yeah, I hung up on her.

I immediately called the sellers to let them know that she was backing out of the deal, and also to tell them that she was offering 28k on the other property, which I think they were asking 38k for.

Meanwhile, PITA finds out that the 14th St. property is on the MLS, and calls the listing agent to put in her offer for 28k.

This all turns into one giant drama fest (I’ll spare you the details since this post is already 12 miles long), but after about 25 phone calls between PITA, me, the sellers, and the listing agent, she ended up buying the 14th St property 2 days later and I walked away with a BIG FAT CHECK in the amount of $500.00.

Because that’s just how I roll.

THE END.

P.S.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the funniest part of the whole story, which was a conversation I had with PITA while she was trying to get out of paying her half of the closing costs. It went just like this….

Me:  PITA, can’t you just agree to pay your half of the closing costs?  Are we really going to sit here and haggle over a few hundred dollars?

PITA: Well, they don’t call me the Asian Jew for nothing!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me:

(Several uncomfortable moments of silence ensue as I sit and ask myself if she really just said that).

PITA: Uhhhhh…… you’re not Jewish, are you?